The Day I Deliberated On My Dejection

This demeanor is no disguise of daring. I am deeply discouraged and disappointed at my own damned demise. Deceptively debonair, I remain defeated, demoralized, depressed and disheartened that I have been demoted to such a demonic demonstration of dismay.

But do not despair, for it is doubtful that my dejection will dawdle on. I deem that my despondence will undoubtedly discontinue. I am doubtlessly quite discerning, and am therefore determined to diligently dedicate myself to disproving those who dare dispute my discipline.

For now, I have decided that my duty is to direct all deliberations to studying for that desiderated CSC. With this designation, I deduce that I will again be in demand and can therefore discard these deplorable days behind me.

I shall desist by stating that this is not a discursive dissection of my duration. It is simply my dissertation.

-“D”

The Day I Went to Get My Car Inspected

I recieved a voucher in the mail a couple of months ago to get a free car inspection at the dealership where bought my Accord. I finally went in today to cash it in, and they told me that it'd take about an hour to finish. 2 1/2 hours later, they finally tell me my car has been inspected and proceed to list off a whole bunch of things to get fixed. Most of which I knew, except for the "extras", such as wiper fluid, transimission fluid, ball joints, knee joints, rear suspension, front suspension, roof suspension, door suspension, 5 game suspension, etc...Then, I tell the person at the front desk that I don't need anything done today, she says fine, and tells me to wait 15 minutes for the mechanic to get my car and write a report of everything that they found. So naturally, 1 hour later, I finally get the report and the keys to my car. A 1 hour inspection took 3 1/2 hours! Completely ridiculous....

So, I figure I'll do some of it myself (wipers, lights, fluids, and filters) but I won't touch the ball joints (haha....ball joints...), cause I don't know what the hell that is. Everything else doesn't seem that bad.

I got a call today for a job that I applied to and had an impromptu phone interview. It's for a Financial Analyst job dealing mainly with budget processes and analysis. They need someone in immediately, and by the end of it, they talked like i already had the job. They did say they'll have me in next week to meet more formally, so hopefully if all goes well, I'll be there. Oh, it's a contract position, which is good, cause then I can look for jobs during the summer, and I should be done the CSC by then too!

haha...ball joints...

The Day It Became Random

The OC - I watch this show still in hopes that it will be as good as it's first season, which I'll admit, was addictingly great!

I've started eating cereal every day at around 2 am in the morning and I like it.

I used to hate the idea of going to the gym because it just seemed so vain and shallow. And I always mocked those who drank protein shakes because it just seemed like such a sad thing to do.

If you're reading this, and never posted a comment, and never acknowledged to me that you read my blog, then you're a stalker. yea...that's right. YOU!

Sandra Bullock and Hillary Duff are by far two of the most annoying actors in the world. I mean honestly, have you watched their movies? What the hell?

If they had a steroid that didn't make you impotent and shrink your ying yang twins, I might consider taking it.

If this were the 70's, when internet wasn't really around, how many of us would still keep in touch? There's no MSN, and no email. Would we just mail regular letters to each other? would we call each other up? I think it would take a lot of effort to keep in touch with people, and that there would be a good chance, that we probably wouldn't have some of the friends that we have now.

When I was in first year university, I wish I was still in Highschool, and now that I've graduated, I wish I was back in University. If it came down to reliving Highschool or reliving University, I don't know which one I would pick. I hope that in 5 or 10 years, I'm not hoping life will be like it is now.

The Day I Was Overqualified

I had a job interview yesterday at a BMO branch in Toronto, and the whole time, the manager was trying to convince me that it's not something I want to do. The job's for a financial services rep, and she knows that I'm looking to do more analytical work. So she finally just says that I'm overqualified for the job, and tells me that she'll forward my resume around to see if they're looking for anyone. She told me that she had already forwarded it to her friend at DBRS in the morning in hopes they might have something available. I thought that was pretty nice. Let's hope something turns up.

After the interview I just hung out downtown. I went to work out at the Adelaide Club, ate at Burrito Boyz, and then just studied a bit in a food court. People kept coming to me and asking how the studying was going. It was kinda annoying.

When I got home, I found a letter for my court date. It's for that time the cop pulled me over, *cough*racial profiling*cough*. Anyways, I have to go to court in September for appeal, and hopefully get my fine reduced.

I found a dollar in the change room today, and contemplated whether I should take it or not. I figured it'd by me a coffee so I picked it up, but then wound up giving it to a homeless guy who opened a door for me. I'm sure he could use it more than I can anyways.

One of my former co-workers recently started moonlighting as a columnist for 24 hours magazine. Here I am doing jackshit, and he's got 2 jobs. Anyways, I felt pretty down about it until I actually read his articles. Suddenly I'm not that jealous anymore. Thanks Thien!

<-- Link to Thien's column

The Day That I Did Nothing (which could be any day really)

I've finally booked my CSC exam. I didn't know that it costs $75 to reserve a spot within 2 weeks. I wanted to take it before I went to see Jeff's art show in Waterloo, but it looks like I'll have to take it while I'm up there in Waterloo. After reading the exam forums it seems like alot of people have failed, which was good to read, cause it'll probably motivate me to review harder, and Lord knows that I'll need to.

I mentioned before that I interviewed for an investment analyst job at Hewitt, and I finally found out today that they decided to go with someone else. They had said that I interviewed extrememly well, but that it seemed my goals weren't aligned with what they do. DAMN! I knew that was going to be the reason I didn't get this job. It was the only question that I messed up on. I was trying to be ambitious and say that in 10 years, I want to have more resposibility with the creation of the companies portfolios. I figured that was the natural progression with being an investment analyst, and it probably would have been correct in almost any investment firm. Then they tell me that they don't actually create any portfolios and that their portfolios are standard. So, even with my ability to BS, I couldn't do enough damage control to rectify the situation. Next time, I'll just stick to the requirements of the job, and maybe just be slightly ambitious.

I also replied to an email that I recieved from a company for a financial analyst position job. They called me back and after I told them I only had a years experience, that was the end of that. I also called back a job agency that emailed me, and will probably go meet with them sometime next week. But like I said, I'm more worried about the CSC then I am about getting a new job. I wish I had an interview somewhere abroad so I can have an excuse to take a roadtrip. Anything to take me out of the mudane life that I find myself trapped in at the moment.

The Day I Got Back on Track

While working out yesterday, I had a brief coversation with one of the fitness instructors and at the end, I came to the conclusion that I was going to stop looking for jobs, and just focus on finishing my CSC. Hell, up until a month ago, i was on track to have it finished by the end of this month. So from here on in, that's my goal. Everything else is trivial....well, almost everything.

With that said, here's a thought on expectations:

Everybody has expectations. Whether it's your life, significant other, friends, school, movies, family, whatever...you have certain expectations. Some have such high expectations that they're constantly disappointed, and such low expectations that they fall into mediocrity. So where's the line? how high is too high? how low is too low?

Let's take relationships as an example. I know too many people who are looking for girls or guys who are smart, funny, sexy, successful, religious, fit, non-smoker, non-drinker, neat, well-dressed, big dick, big tits, big salary and just overall big expectations. But honestly now, how realistic is that? I mean, let's face it, if this person did exist, they wouldn't go out with you. I think it's all about seperating the needs from the wants. The needs being the things that you can absolutely not live without, and the wants being the things that would be nice to have, but if they didn't have it, it's ok.

On the flip side, what if you have low expectations. Let's say, you expect to get 65% on your exam, and you wind up getting 70%. Now if you're a waterloo student, this is understandable, cause let's face it, they broke our spirits back in first year, but in general, this expectation is too low. If you expect a 65, then it'll only motivate you to get 65%. By raising the benchmark to a higher but still acheivable level, you can have the satisfation of meeting your expectations, and realizing your full potential.

I guess the biggest thing about expectations is being realistic, and knowing exactly what's withing reach. Know what's important, and never settle.

One year ago.....

It was a Thursday night, when I left Waterloo for Toronto. At that point it was one of the most exciting days of my life. I was picking up the first car I've ever owned, my red 2-door Accord v6, my "licee" as I call her. After picking it up, I drove over to my parents house to just chill and have dinner before I had to head back to Waterloo. All was well....until my cell phone rang. It was Fema. I can't even remember the last time I talked to her before that phone call. Why in the world would Fema call me? She never calls me....and then she said it. "Dean's dead". I can remember it like it was yesterday. I don't know if I can ever forget. Dean Bowden, one of the greatest guys I've ever known...dead.

One of my closest friends since grade 9 was gone. The dream of Dean, English and I growing old together, watching each other get married, and having our kids play together died that day. Dean had never did me wrong. In all the years I've known him, he always had my back, and always helped me out when he could.

I remember one summer day back in '96. Dean called to go hang out, but I had to mow my backyard, which I had neglected to do for weeks. You can imagine how long the grass had gotten by then. I couldn't even just mow over it. I had to cut the grass with clippers and then mow it. So, I apologize to Dean and tell him that I can't make it out. Next thing I know, Dean's at my house, offering to help me cut the grass. I didn't even need to ask. He just insisted. The whole time he had that big smile on his face, like it was nothing. After we finshed, we hopped on our bikes, and went to the mall. I can't even remember what we did there, but it didn't matter. Just hanging out was always enough for us. And that was Dean. Always there to lend a hand if you needed it.

So it's been a year now, and I still feel that sadness knowing that I'll never be able to talk to him, or joke around with him like we did all those years. And, I still have dreams every now and then that are so real, that I wake up in a panic. But I've come to accept the fact that he's gone now. And I have no doubts that he's in heaven watching over me and laughing at all the stupid things that I do. I only got to know Dean for 10 years, but at least I got to know him. And I feel lucky that I did.

No matter what happens in my life, you're still my boy Dean. One love son. Always.



Dean Bowden
August 16 1981 - March 3, 2005